the first night...of the rest of my life

my head is whirling.  my heart is mixed with a heaviness and a pure excitement.  tonight i went to "Unchained".  An event where Florida Abolition celebrated 1 year in victories against human trafficking.

I won a painting in a silent auction.  It's of a little blonde girl chained to a bed.  There is this verse:

 “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, 

   because he has anointed me 

   to proclaim good news to the poor. 

He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners 

   and recovery of sight for the blind, 

to set the oppressed free..."

"I will fear no evil for my God is with me, and if my God is with me, whom then shall i fear!!?!?!?"

Tonight i wrote down the process of emotions throughout the night

• overwhelmed.  All day today i was overwhelmed.  i questioned why i even applied for world race.  why i thought i could be used to make a difference.  my heart feels so deeply about hurt.  my heart physically just aches for the pain i see.  and it crumbles me.  i don't know what to do with that.  
• do-able.  not really an emotion but at one point in the night, i saw how i could make a difference.  
• anger.  man, i just got angry.  so angry. i am angry right now.  i am angry at the injustice.  that these children, these humans are trapped in slavery.  i am angry at the enemy and how he is deceiving all who is involved. how can this be happening?"When i am burried in the questions, i can find the answers" i am angry that in someways i have been supporting this slavery, by the things i buy, by the music i listen to, that i haven't answered the call yet to help even though its been a passion of mine for awhile. angry that the core of this issue is sin.  the core of this issue is a lack of love in a community.  these girls are searching for love.  these men need strong men figures in their life.  these girls need positive men in their life.  both of which i would guess are lacking where this is taking place.  man its tough when the reality of sin is so evident and hurtful. I am angry that Satan is running so rampant and is the master mind behind this.  It is a good reminder of how evil he truly is.  
• excited. i am excited to know that this is why Jesus died, through him redemption, healing, ifreedom is possible, i have a story that CAN change lives.   i am so excited to see how God has been weaving my story "for such a time as this".  i am so excited at the thought of being accepted to world race.  to be living, for four months to make a difference.  i am excited to be seeing the way i have been hurt, and how God can use them for his good.  I am excited to see how my passions can be used for redemption in this world.  i am excited that God is bigger than this travesty.  i am excited about how God can and is going to sue me.  i am excited that God is bringing me and ashley together in this.  i am excited to feel the call of God that has ignited a passion in my heart, that i havn't felt in a long time.  
• divine intervention - i can just see how God worked all of this together.  to even bring me tonight.  i didn't want to go.  i am so glad i did.  i knew God wanted me there.  God has put me in Florida. I can do something.  Prayer i have such a heart for prayer.  This war will never be won without prayer.  These strongholds need to be lifted.  
• Disgust - How in the world is this going on in my own community, in a city i live in, in my state, my country.  I am disgusted how the porn industry effects all of this.  how sex runs rampant, how american is so hungry for sex and stuff.  both of which feed the sex and labor trafficking.  
• heartbroken -  for those hurt.  for the girls and boys who don't feel loved.  for the men and women who have so much hurt that they are hurting others.  for those trapped.  for those who do not have a voice and for those who do not know that they do have a way out.  im heart broken for the way our "celebrities", singers, models, are  portraying sex in a way that is desired that has effected males and females in such a subconscious way that taps into our desires and need to be desired.  
• Naseous - for the reality of this all.  Vomit.  
• Motivated - to make a difference to do what i can.  "because your not through with me yet, bc this is redemptions story with every step im taking, every day you are chipping away what i don't need...every day im closer to who im suppose to be, im a change in the making"  i seriously want to devote my life to this.  

"For Such a Time As This" I feel as though God is stirring up in me a passion to help fight this war:

• Prayer Warrior - I have always felt a call to be a prayer warrior.  I am still figuring out what this looks like.  I have a desire to be a "watchmen" for my city.  Praying for Orlando has always been on my heart.  Prayer is how we are going to make a difference.
• Passion to bring freedom to women - Since i was 15 I have known that i want to work with young women.  Those that feel trapped, or have no one.  To mentor, disciple.  I was never quite sure what it would look like.  
• I am in Orlando.  
• I have always wanted to be a councilor.  
• My own story and how i have always felt that God was going to use it...